Carbon footprint

For all the talk of carbon footprints, saving the planet and hugging a tree, for all the adverts and government guidelines and green taxes and initiatives, nothing focuses the mind on energy saving quite like being unemployed.

With outgoings exceeding income, suddenly that light on in an unused room or tap running longer than needed feels as wasteful as lighting Havana cigars with fifty pound notes.

When I was doing up Croker Towers, I went through a bit of a lighting stage. Halogen downlighters were fitted, uplighters were sourced and tasteful table lamps purchased. Dimmers offered subtle shading and mood lighting became an obsession. And as the sun went down, Croker Towers would become a little haven of softly illuminated style and bliss. Yet as I sit and write this late at night only the desk light in my study burns, all other sources extinguished at the alter of cost.

I’ve even been carefully working out how short a period I can have the water heater on to supply my hot water needs. I never used to think about it before, just have it set to an hour each morning and evening, job done. Currently it’s running at half that.

I shave about once every three or four days (unless I’m seeing The Blonde, or attending an increasingly rare job interview). Saves water see? And whilst Gillette may well be the best a man can get, at a price fast approaching a million pounds a blade I can live with a few cost savings there too.

The Polite Hatchback only rolls off the drive once or twice a week, I walk most places now. A tank of diesel lasts me a month.

In fact, it sometimes makes me wonder whether the whole recession is one big eco conspiracy. Think about it, two and a half million people and rising currently economising like mad on fuel, energy, shopping and food. As green initiatives go, it’s a winner.

Actually I have a conspiracy theory about conspiracy theories too. Many of them are so clearly ridiculous that I sometimes wonder if they’re not put out there by “official sources” to hide those that are true. After all, what better way to discredit the real ones than to circulate lots of spurious ones that will be dismissed out of hand, and hope the genuine articles get flushed by the general public at the same time.

But as I say, it’s just a theory…

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